Life in our preemie world: Stares

8 minutes and 12 seconds.

That is the longest amount of time that someone has full on stared at my daughter (that I noticed and timed out of pure curiosity). Granted it was a ten year-old boy but still. Awkward. When we go out places we often attract first, second, and sometimes even third looks from people. We went to Disneyland last year and two different people walked into something because they were looking at her and not the big huge bush in front of them.

For the most part I don't mind the extra looks. A two-year-old with oxygen is an unusual site indeed. Add her feeding pump and that makes for even more attention worthy notice.

I usually just smile at the kids that stare and then ask their mom or dad half whispered questions about "the thing in her nose." The 8 minute stare came from a boy who walked over and just stood directly in front of us while we were watching my son ice skate. I tried to get his attention to see if he had a question but nope - just kept staring.

My husband and I actually don't mind when people ask questions about our daughter. We want to spread the word about prematurity. Personally I do get a bit frustrated when people just stare without saying anything or ask "what's wrong with her?"

I know I'm not alone. I've talked to other preemie moms and dads that have had people stare at their child, ask ridiculous questions or compare how their kid is doing to yours. So I've decided we should fight back. Let's stare at all those weird full term babies who hit their milestones on time, are average size and basically "normal." Let's ask silly questions. Here are some completely tongue-in-cheek, just for fun suggestions to get you started:

1) How old is he/she? When they give their perfectly normal answer that matches the size of their kid than you ask - "Isn't it boring to have a child whose size is so...predictable?"

2) When they talk about how they only go to the pediatrician for immunizations/well baby/sick visits, than you say "So, you only have one doctor for your kid? I have 7!" We may not be able to beat them at some things but doctors - we win every time.

3) When they talk about how their kid did xyz at whatever age than you just stare for a few seconds and say "interesting." That will throw them off. Or you can say "doesn't that get boring?"

Do you have any strategies or thoughts about dealing with the curious people of the world? Please share!

Where O Where

Many apologies for my blogging absence of late. Between birthdays, appointments and a fully mobile two year-old to go with my energetic five year-old, things have been crazy.

But I'm back! With many new posts in the days, weeks to come. If I don't melt in all this heat first.

New Preemie Parent?

Are you a new preemie parent? Is your baby in the NICU or getting ready to come home. Make sure and check out all of the entries in the NICU section for helpful information to get you through a very tough roller coaster ride.

Focus: Single Activity Work

My daughter often has trouble sitting down and working on a single task. If she isn't interested than she wants almost nothing to do with it. Now that she is fully walking, working on specific developmental areas can be difficult. Recently I've started reading a number of blogs focused on the Montessori approach to teaching and learning. I like many things about the Montessori approach and I've been slowly trying to integrate that style of learning into what I do with my kids each day.

One blog that I love has some great activities that she does with her 15 month old. One of them was introducing the concept of pouring. Here is the post: The Wonder Years. She used a large container and put plastic Easter eggs inside that were poured onto a tray. My computer is broken (again) so please click on the link to see the pictures that she has. For Olivia I had her pour the eggs into a bowl.

This is a great task for working on several developmental areas:

1) Fine motor - after pouring the eggs into the bowl, I had her put the eggs back into the large can so she could pour again.

2) Waiting - Olivia had to make sure all the eggs were inside the can before pouring again. This is an important skill to work on with kids

3) Visual perception - by having Olivia pour the eggs into the bowl, she had to figure out where to place the can so that the eggs would end up inside the bowl.

The best part? Olivia loved it! She asked to do it at least 5-6 times for several days in a row. I'm planning on introducing more activities like these and I will post them here for you to try as well.

Favorite Products #32

Lately one of the favorite products in our house is the Fisher Price Little People: Animal Sounds Farm.


Olivia got this as a Christmas gift and she really enjoys it. She hasn't quite gotten to the point of doing any imaginary play but she does like to make animal sounds and move each animal around the farm.

Here are some ways that you can encourage your preemie's development with this toy:

1) Animal Sounds - encourage your preemie to imitate the animal sounds for each animal. The toy does make sounds however it's often easier to just make sounds yourself. Start with one animal and then add in more as he/she masters them.

2) Turn taking - help your preemie learn how to take turns. Drop one toy through the "silo" area and then let your preemie do the same. Turn taking is an important part of language and social development.

3) Fine motor - show your preemie how to open the little doors or operate other parts of the farm.

4) Imaginary play - have the animals talk to each other. Maybe they all want to go for a walk around the farm. Any type of role-playing/imaginary play is great.


Happy farming!

Fine Motor Skills in the Highchair

As kids get more mobile it becomes harder to work on fine motor skills. What preemie on the go wants to sit still? One of the best ways to help your preemie focus on fine motor skills is to do it while he/she is in the highchair. With some planning and enthusiasm you can really make some great progress. Here are some games and activities to try that I posted on a message board recently.

Cheerio Drop and Dump - Get about 10-15 cheerios and put them on the highchair tray (eating the cheerios is always okay and encouraged). Put a small bowl on the try next to the cheerios. Encourage your little one to drop the cheerios into the bowl one at a time. Try and get him/her to use a pincer grasp (thumb and first finger) to pick up the cheerios and drop them in. Once all of the cheerios are in the bowl - let him/her dump it out and do it again. Once he/she has dumped them out once he/she may only want to put a couple in before dumping but that's okay :)

Raisin Drop and Dump - same as above but with raisins - smaller and harder to do.

Stickers - Get a bunch of stickers - bigger ones to start. Start by taking a sticker and putting it on your little one's hand. Encourage him/her to take the sticker off and put it somewhere else. Use smaller stickers as he/she gets good at it. Once he/she gets the hang of it, let him/her peel off a sticker (will probably need you to start it) and then let him/her put it on a paper.

Coloring - tape a piece of paper to the highchair tray. Give your little one a crayon and encourage them to color on the paper. take a crayon yourself and draw some lines on the paper. At first they will probably just make dots and then tentative lines. Once they master a straight line, encourage them to draw a circle and make a cross. Some kids like to hold a crayon in their fist at first so you may want to break a crayon in half or buy the little beginnings crayons.

Popsicle Sticks - Get a travel coffee mug that has a slot at the top. Take some small popsicle sticks and have your little one drop them into the cup through the slot. Once they put them in, open the lid and let them dump them out. Repeat.

Playdough - this is a tough one because kids may try and eat the playdough. You have to be really careful. Take some playdough and just let your little one touch it, squish, roll it, etc. Encourage them to roll small pieces of the dough in between their thumb and first finger. Make snakes by rolling pieces with their whole hand.

Toy suggestion - Right now Target has a great little mini-barn and small plastic animals in the $1 section. They are great (slightly larger) items that can kids can play with and practice picking up, etc.

For drawing - you can get one of those portable drawing boards that erase (Doodle boards) or the Aqua Doodles - uses water to color and then dries so you can do it again.

Songs to encourage communication

Babies love singing. Singing is a great way to entertain, calm and even teach your preemie. It's also a great way to help your preemie learn communication skills.

A great song to start with is "The Wheels On The Bus" Here are some ways to help your preemie participate in the song.

1) Hand gestures - Try to use a hand gesture for each verse of the song. Encourage your preemie to copy you. If you don't know the "typical" hand gesture - make one up. You can tailor it to your preemie's abilities. As my daughter started signing she was much more interested in this song because of the hand gestures she could make.

2) Pause - During the song, try to pause during each verse in order to give your preemie a chance to "sing" along. Any sound or attempt at sound that your preemie makes should be celebrated and encouraged. Taking turns helps your preemie learn how to talk and communicate.

3) Add verses - there is nothing to say that your bus can't have additional people (or animals on it) to make the song longer and/or more interesting for your preemie. If you preemie has some favorite animal sounds or people - put them on the bus too. Here are some verses I add to our bus song here at home:
"The Aunties on the bus say give us a kiss"
" The Grandmas on the bus say we need a hug"
" The Uncles on the bus say give us a high five"
" The doggies on the bus say woof woof woof"
" The kitties on the bus say meow, meow, meow"

Happy Singing!